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love | Jennifer Jade Enterprises | Meditation | Hypnosis | Peace of Mind - Part 2
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Last week, on the way to pick up my Biggest Little Teacher (BLT) from school, my significant other (SO) and I got into an argument that left me very angry.   So angry that I’d quit speaking and went into pouting mode.  We pick up BLT from school and she is immediately angry because I did not pick up her finished pottery at the pottery shop as I said “I might”.  I let her know I was sorry I did not get to it but the traffic was insane and there was not enough time.  I tried to console her by reminding her that she had just been allowed to stay at school and extra 2 hours to be part of an extra curricular activity she loved.  She didn’t care and proceeded to throw her backpack around the backseat and not speak to either of us.  Great, now we had 3 people in the car pouting.

The entire 20 minute ride home I am biting my tongue because I want to tell her that she is a spoiled brat and should be grateful she got to enjoy the extra curricular activity at school.  But, then I look over at my SO and remember I’m already angry because of the way he is and can’t take it out on BLT.  Ultimately, its everyone else’s fault I am unhappy – of course!  Poor me.

We get home and SO gets in the house first, leaving BLT and I to reach the porch alone.  BLT turns around and says to me, “You know, I’m starting not to be so mad at you, but you really should have picked up my pottery.”  That was it!  I lost it, and I said, “Oh really, I’m not sure what you’re mad about, you got your way.  You got to stay at school and have fun like you wanted.  What do you have to be mad about?!!”  BLT glared right at me, stomped in the house and ran into her room.  I thought, “oh boy this pouting may last a decade.”

I decided that I was not going to give in.  I felt completely justified with the anger I felt.  So, I went on my merry way doing the tasks I needed to do while pouting.  I was not going to run to either of them and make amends after all, it was not my fault! Poor me.

Ten minutes pass and BLT comes into my bedroom where I’m folding clothes and sits on the bed.  She looks at me and without hesitation says, “Mom, I want to apologize for pouting and being bratty.  I just thought you were going to get the pottery and I feel… oh I don’t know…”  I suddenly felt ashamed for my behavior all afternoon.  Here in front of me was a 9 year old kid who had more humility, love and awareness than most adults I know, including me.  I felt the icy hot anger melt away as my heart began to open again.  I found my voice and talked it out with BLT and later with my SO.  Amazing how quickly a crappy day can be turned around when the pride and pouting are identified and then over-ridden!  I guess I do have a choice and power over my own happiness.  Thanks again BLT!

Gosh, as an adult, I think I know what I’m doing and tend to justify all my fits of anger and my pouting stints.  Then, along comes a 9 year old girl to whip me into shape! Thank God!

My BLT (Biggest Little Teacher) has been taking singing lessons for a few months now, and loves it!  Her teacher is a professional singer and has created a children’s choir that will be performing at a professional venue for Christmas.  BLT is beside herself excited!  It has been apparent for many years that BLT loves to sing, dance, and perform.  Yet, when I ask her what she wants to do when she grows up she replies, “I don’t know”.

The other day we were chatting and she began to tell me about how she does her warm up scales with her singing teacher at the beginning of each lesson.  BLT began to speak as if she were alone in the car and proceeded to tell me, “Sometimes when I sing I just pay attention to the notes and I watch the keys on the piano…and then….I like…become part of the piano…Sometimes when I’m tired I just go into the music and I will all of a sudden know the lines.

Ahhhhh, I was in love listening to her subconscious take over and spill out of her like a flowing river.  When she finished speaking she was quiet for a moment and said, “Wow, I don’t know where that came from!” and began to laugh.  I asked her, “So do you want to sing when you grow up?” and she said, “I don’t know.”  Feeling frustrated I wondered how could she not know?  Isn’t it obvious????  Then I thought, maybe I’ve been asking the wrong question.  BLT knows what she wants to do right now, in this moment – not 10 years into the future.  All that matters is right now.  Passion is felt right now. Sure it can be followed, but not forced.  Now wonder she doesn’t  know!LOL!  Maybe what she becomes 10 years from now is not really important.

All I could think about that day was how amazing it must feel to become the music, the piano, the notes.  I tried to think back to a time when I’d lost myself in something I absolutely loved, because “that” would be my true passion… A place where the “shoulds” did not exist.  A place BLT knows all about.

Thank you BLT once again for reminding me of what is important in life!!!

To you readers, may you enjoy this Thanksgiving Holiday by being in the moment.  Blessings!

My Biggest Little Teacher (BLT) has a love and a flair for art in all arenas.  Today, for the first time she actually used a suggestion I threw out regarding a piece of art she was working on… well, if you consider decorating a brand new hairbrush “art”.  She felt that her ornate “J” looked more like an “S”, and I suggested a small change to the tail of the “J”.  A few minutes later I heard her say out loud from the back seat, “Thanks for the suggestion.”  I was a bit shocked and asked, “So you used my idea?”  She said “yes” and went back to what she was doing.

I thought for a moment and in an audible conversation with myself said, “Well, I bet I could suggest anything to you and you could make it beautiful. The only beautiful thing I’ve ever made was you.”  I could see her smile in the rear view mirror.  I continued, “Well, I didn’t do it on my own, God did most of the work.”  She responded quickly, “You are still creating beauty.”  “Huh?” I said dumbfounded.  “Mom, you are still creating beauty.”  I asked “How?”  She said, “You teach me to be a better person, that is beauty.” I hear her words and want to cry. In my most humble of tones I tell her, “I hope that is what I do.  I try to be the best guide I can be.”  She senses I’m getting teary and says, “Well, it can be fun too.  It doesn’t have to always be so serious.”  Ah-ha!  The big reminder!  So we talked about life being both fun and serious, and if it were serious or fun all the time, life would not be very well-rounded.  She nodded her head and went back to her hair brush art.

Sometimes I wonder how the heck she figures these things out at age 9, and then I remember how most kids these days have this brilliant clarity and knowing that seems so grown up for such little bodies.  I love taking time to listen to the children, as they are the genuine keepers of truth and knowledge!

Today, while getting ready for yet another deliriously busy day I was suddenly struck with the “grass is always greener” syndrome.  My mind was in the middle of a true spin out (pity party really), when a person I know flashed before me.  This particular person embodies a level of freedom I’ve not known since I was in my 20’s and I began to feel envious.  This person has a great job with good pay and awesome benefits along with an incredibly flexible schedule.  This person lives alone, has no one to answer to or take care of outside of work.  This person travels regularly and consistently just about anywhere in the world whenever the whim arises.  As my thoughts proliferated on this persons life,  the more I silently complained about mine.  I took the complaining to an new level of utter distaste for the choices I’d made in my life.

Then, as if God tapped me on the forehead with a lightening bolt, I began to see the gifts my costly choices had left me.  The biggest and most amazing gift – my daughter!  I thought, “Oh my gosh, had I never taken such huge risks and made such tough choices, I would never have known the kind of love I’d experienced in the last 9 years.  I would never have grown spiritually to the degree I have.  I would never have known what it means to give a piece of my life for someone or something greater than myself, and feel joy beyond words.”  Within seconds I was happier than I’d been in a long time.  I knew without a doubt, I’d never trade my life today for the “freedom” of yesterday.  Freedom and the amount of green in the grass is truly a state of mind.

I watched the movie not too long ago and found it to be incredibly inspiring.  Nelson Mandela’s actions of forgiveness are breath taking.  I am inspired to the core by his example.  His ability to truly forgive and see the Big Picture, changed a nation and the world.  I could not help but wonder if I was capable of such unconditional love and forgiveness?

In the movie Nelson Mandela states he was kept strong during his 30 years in prison by this very poem.  May it strengthen your soul as it has mine, repeatedly.

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me Unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE
I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL

~William Henley

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