“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best to make you just like everybody else means to fight the greatest battle there is to fight and never stop fighting- the battle to be yourself.”EE Cummings.
Today, while getting ready for yet another deliriously busy day I was suddenly struck with the “grass is always greener” syndrome. My mind was in the middle of a true spin out (pity party really), when a person I know flashed before me. This particular person embodies a level of freedom I’ve not known since I was in my 20’s and I began to feel envious. This person has a great job with good pay and awesome benefits along with an incredibly flexible schedule. This person lives alone, has no one to answer to or take care of outside of work. This person travels regularly and consistently just about anywhere in the world whenever the whim arises. As my thoughts proliferated on this persons life, the more I silently complained about mine. I took the complaining to an new level of utter distaste for the choices I’d made in my life.
Then, as if God tapped me on the forehead with a lightening bolt, I began to see the gifts my costly choices had left me. The biggest and most amazing gift – my daughter! I thought, “Oh my gosh, had I never taken such huge risks and made such tough choices, I would never have known the kind of love I’d experienced in the last 9 years. I would never have grown spiritually to the degree I have. I would never have known what it means to give a piece of my life for someone or something greater than myself, and feel joy beyond words.” Within seconds I was happier than I’d been in a long time. I knew without a doubt, I’d never trade my life today for the “freedom” of yesterday. Freedom and the amount of green in the grass is truly a state of mind.